Wednesday, February 13, 2008

the things people say

I have been thinking about this post for a while and then yesterday I unintentionally added to it.
You know how there are things you have heard that you will never forget? Usually something somebody said to you or about you. Or maybe something shocking.
Yesterday while at a friend's house, I said a bad word. It wasn't bad in context, it was a derrogatory term and I was simply referring to it, not using it to refer to someone, if you know what I'm trying to say. But, still, I said it. And I was just oblivious to her two daughters sitting there. My friend gasped a little and her seven year old gasped a little and also, she got that little smile that kids get when someone else is in trouble, LOL. Then I just felt so bad! Oh my.
This was the same child whom my dog bit, by the way...
Anyway, later as I was thinking about it, I thought, "just let it go." Because I tend to beat myself up for dumb stuff like that. But then I thought about how it may not be that big of a deal, but there is a possibility that T will remember that her whole life! When I was about six or so, my aunt was walking through the house and she said s---. It was so shocking to my little self that I still remember it.
Oh, well.
My point is that we all have things in our heads that were said by someone else. Whether good or bad.
Here are some of mine:
"Grandma used to think that maybe you were an actual angel because you were so good."
"Do you ever wonder if maybe you really are mental?" This person was brave enough to room with me for four years.
"Kay seems to be able to find beauty in almost anything."
"You could be really pretty if you let me give you a makeover." umm, there isn't a nice word to describe how this girl dressed.
"She's so self-confident." Ha. She's a good faker, that's what.
"Do you ever thank God for making you so beautiful?" How do you answer that?
"Your smile lights up the whole room."
"Move over, hefty."
"My husband thinks you are pretty." ummm, ok....
"You have a lot of insight and wisdom."
"You look like the kind of person who would smoke." What's that mean?
"You're lazy."
"My dad said you look like your face caught fire and someone put it out with a pitchfork."

Well, I think it's a big mistake for us to try to form our opinion of ourselves based on what other people say. No wonder people are so confused about who they are and their value!
What we need to cling to is what God says. And take the good that people say with grace and humility. Take the bad stuff the same way. Look for seeds of truth and change what we need to and move on. (Well, we can make that our goal, anyway)
Also, in light of LOVE, being nearly Valentine's Day, let's try to be conscious of our own words. We may say some little thing that doesn't mean much to us, but we never know which words are going to stick. Let's be intentional about leaving kind messages behind us. And if something hard must be said, make sure it's the truth and that it's well coated in love.

What about you? Will you share a little snippet or two that you store in your head?


  1. Words are so powerful. And sometimes, we're just so negligent with them.

    "I love Michelle's laugh"

    "You look like Michelle, only heavier." (said by my grandma with dementia a couple weeks ago. LOL)

    "The leadership team is unified and we have peace about this issue. You will not be allowed to serve here."

    "You fought so hard for him, I'm sorry it had to end this way."

    "I'd do anything to see you smile."

    "Your heart is too big for anyone else to carry around."

    "Your zeal for Christ is too strong."

    "Good morning my princess"

  2. Grade Eight, I'm sitting on the floor reading a book at lunch time.

    A Grade Nine boy walks by singing "Really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree."

    Sees me sitting there, literally does a double take and says "Ewwww. Who'd wanna shake your tree??"


    "Wow, he's CUTE." Pause. "He's YOUR brother?"


    however, last year, someone used the word INTEGRITY, refering to me.

    And this morning, I had this conversation with my husband:

    "I guess everyone brings their own interpretation" he said.

    " 'Your reader is your creative partner' ", I spouted.

    "I don't HAVE a creative partner - oh, wait" he grinned at me "I have a VERY creative partner."

  3. Precious Kay ~ T will be fine. I am so appreciative of your tender sweet heart. Most people would not even think twice. You have such a tender heart. This post made me cry! I love you so much and to think someone said such things to you! I think God must think the same way when we are hurtful towards each other..His creations. I really loved this post. Thank you for the reminder.

  4. Thank you for sharing some of your own word memories.
    It takes so many good ones to make up for the bad ones. And I wonder if even then, they ever can make up for them?

    Mel, you're so sweet.

    I want to clarify that some of these seem worse when reading them than they were at the time. Especially the "mental" one. I laughed my head off when she asked that. She was sooo serious! LOL
    But others, do still hurt, even decades later...

  5. I might be in the minority on this one. Words don't bother me much. There was that one time in 8th grade when this cute girl called me ugly.

    The good news is that two years later - she asked me out. If you're wondering, I turned her down. (politely)

  6. Happy lovers day Kay. I'm glad I'VE never said anything hurtful to :and the other way around, arn't you? :) Bye,I mean goodnight, I have school tomorrow finally after 3 days!!!

  7. thats supposed to say to you, not to:

  8. "You don't look like a homeschooler." :)

    "Your too tall."

  9. Being one who grew up with a weight problem, the words "I'm telling you this for your own good" would be followed with something hurtful.

    I'm sure that there are many who had weight, disability, social class, or cosmetic issues, who has memories of words which stuck in their minds.

  10. I remember when I was 13 and my best friends brother told me "who will fall in love with you,you are so ugly".
    my first boyfriend who used cheat on me all the time told me"you are not pretty,you dont have a great figure,but you are a nice person and thats why I am with you"

  11. I can't think a something specifically said to me, but I remember a song that hurts to hear and I really detest the song. It is called "Short People". I've never been sensitive about the jokes people make about me being only 5 feet tall, but that song makes me sick.

  12. My husband tells a story, made up or not, about the boy who was hard pressed to compliment a girl He finally said, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl." Years ago I worked at the state hospital and there were doctors from Cuba, etc. The lady doctor from Cuba was such a sweet person and tried hard to understand our ways. I got my hair cut and fixed and she said, "Oh, I love your hair. It's a 100% improvement." I said thank you but I must have had a rather strange look on my face. I knew she didn't mean to insult me but I kept thinking, Boy, I must have looked really bad!

  13. "I wanted a boy" - my dad

    (I am the second daughter.)

  14. I was at a Thanksgiving get-together several years ago. A young man's parents were there. The mother said, right in front of him and all of us, "I never wanted children but it was expected in those days." I still want to slap her!


I love to hear your thoughts!