five kind things

Robin at Actions Speak Loudest did this on her blog and I liked it, so I'm doing it too.

The Five Kind Things Meme works like this:

List five kind things you do for yourself.
List five kind things you do for your closest friend, partner or child.
List five kind things you have done for a stranger.
List five kind things you do for fun.
List five people you are tagging with this meme.

Five kind things I do for myself:

1. I take a break when I need one.  My hubby is a very good dad and parents equally with me.  If I need time alone or off with friends, he is more than willing to provide it.

2. I play

3. I try to get off my own back from time to time.

4. I nurture friendships

5. I try to eat right

Five kind things I do for my friends, husband or child:

1. I try to listen without judging or offering unwanted advice.  I'm not always good at it, but I try.

2. I tuck my kids in and kiss them goodnight

3. I will buy a friend lunch or a gift from time to time.

4. I try to be supportive.

5. I wash their clothes - sometimes.  Not my friends' really, but I would if they needed me, too.

Five kind things I have done for a stranger:

1. Once I saw an elderly lady wandering around a huge parking lot.  I drove her and her husband around until they found their car.

2. I watched a lady's baby in an airport bathroom so she could potty.

3. I watched a lady's baby at the fair so she could ride the Merry-go round with her pre-schooler.

4. I frequently let people in front of me in check out lines, if they are frazzled, have only a few things, or seem impatient.

5. I pick things up for people when they drop them.

Five things I do for fun:

1. Read

2. Play computer games

3. Talk to friends

4. Sing and dance

5. watch movies

Five people I tag:

1. Jen @ Inner Voices of a Spinster in the Making

2. Julie @ Flower of the Family

3. Queen of the World @ To Know Me is to Love Me

4. Mom @ Moms the Word

5. Mel @ Monday Through Sunday

And all the rest of you are welcome to play, too.  Just let me know if you do!

just thinking

Having the right intentions isn't the same as doing the right thing.

I'm not directing this at anyone, I was just thinking about something.  I've defended people before on the basis that I'm sure their heart was in the right place.  I'm sure they had the best intentions.  But neither of those things make the wounds any less painful.

Caring about someone and meaning well does not excuse poor behavior.  And the behavior may not be obviously bad.  It might be good behavior, but inappropriate for the situation or the timing.

Sometimes, no matter how good our intentions are, the best action is to simply keep our mouths shut.  Sometimes it may be the opposite.  We may desire to keep quite out of respect, but perhaps the silence would come across as unconcern.  Sometimes it may be the exact thing that comes to mind, another time it might be something we wouldn't have thought of on our own.

How can we ever know the right thing to do?  We have to constantly be receptive to the Spirit's guidance and be in prayer when dealing with one another.  Particularly in delicate situations.

I'm sure that I have, with good intentions, hurt people before.  We tend to think we know the best thing to say and honestly, we don't.  Without God's wisdom we know nothing.

Stepping down from my soapbox now.

lingering touch

There are people who hold a small warm place in my heart and some of them are people I don't even know. All of them are there, in a small warm place, because of some small act of kindness.

My dad's aunt gave my sister and I each a really cool, quilted leather bag with fringe on it in 1970-something. I still have mine. It's still cool. I can't remember what she looked like, but I will never forget her.

My dad's uncle Max and his wife Wilma have a warm place in my heart. I only remember being around them three times, although I'm sure it was more. The first time I was quite young and she had made haystacks with chow mien noodles and either chocolate and butterscotch. I remember thinking they were very weird, not so good candy, but the were candy, so I ate them. I don't know if those haystacks are what got them the small warm place or if it was something else. But there they are.

A man my mom took us to visit when I was about five or so, (I think he was one of her favorite teachers), taught me how to play Dominoes.

One day when I worked at McDonalds a customer ripped me up because the coffee pot wasn't working right. It was all I could do to not run away sobbing. The next man in line was very kind and said something reassuring and supportive. I don't remember the words, or his face, but I remember him.

When I was in Kindergarten the First grade teacher winked at me one day at recess. She later became one of my favorite teachers, but she would have a small warm place anyway, just because of that wink.

The man across the street let me be there when he cut up a coconut. He sang the Lime and the Coconut song while he did it. It was one of the most fascinating things I'd ever seen. (I was younger than six)

Another man across another street offered me some wisdom and comfort over the fact that I didn't have a saddle for my pony and I desperately wanted one. He said, "Indians (it was ok to say that in those days) were the best riders there ever were and they always rode bareback."

Fleeting, seemingly insignificant moments. Yet they have remained with me.

Let us live our lives so that our brief encounters leave tender fingerprints that last.

merry christmas?

Whatever happened to peace on earth, joy to the world, goodwill toward men, fa-la-la-la-la, and all that? Have you noticed? Lately I have been very aware of just how cranky people are this time of year. Snarls and glares and shoves and huffs seem to be the heralds of Christmas these days.

I get it. I mean people are so stressed out year round and then at Christmas they pull the strand a little harder and some of them just snap! They dump more stuff in their stress bucket until it overflows and we have stress all over the place, ruining our shoes.

"Have to decorate the house inside and out. Bake 40 dozen cookies. Make, write, and mail 200 Christmas cards. Make candy. Make pies. Cook your goose and mine. Shop, shop, shop, buy, buy, buy. Fail to find one "perfect" gift. Try to outdo what the kids already have, so they will smile. Diet. Help with the Christmas pageant by making costumes, baking a cake and selling tickets. Etc, etc, etc."

No wonder people are grumpy.

And the store clerks, who can blame them. They have to put up with hundreds of these people every day, standing on their feet. They're exhausted. They have their own list of things to do.

So, I have a two-fold challenge for you, my dear blog friends. Let us each find one thing this year that we can drop. Just let it go. I have already stopped sending Christmas cards; stopped baking,(unless I really want to – for fun); stopped decorating every room of the house; and we are seriously cutting back on spending, since we do it on a cash basis. My big meal is Thanksgiving. Christmas will be more relaxed and casual. One year we had sandwiches! Everyone loved it. So, think of just one thing. You're Christmas will not fall apart. In fact, it will be better because you will be better. I learned that my kids appreciate a happy mom, more that a postcard Christmas with the Grinch!

The second thing is for us to do the random acts of kindness thing. The season is seriously lacking in cheer. Let's do our part to restore it! Yes, some people want to be unhappy. They like being grouchy. But many will appreciate some kindness. They are just tired, over-worked, over-spent, disillusioned folk trying to be happy and missing it. Next time you are at Starbucks hand the barista an extra $5 to pay for the guy behind you. Or just give it to the barista. Especially be on the lookout for people who seem to be having a particularly bad day. People who are extra crabby. Give your favorite checkout girl a flower. Help the harried lady with her groceries. Or… well, you get the picture. It can be large or small; expensive or free.

Now, I know it's weird to feel like you are tooting your own horn. But I really want each of you to share the things that you do. It will not be a bragfest, it will be inspiring for the rest of us. It will give us ideas, too. So let's get out there and practice some goodwill toward men!