invalid

Did you ever notice that invalid--"one who is sickly or disabled" and invalid--"not valid" are the same word.

I've become aware of it since having this back problem. I am far from being bedfast, but I am very limited in my activities and abilities. And you know, I'm really struggling with feelings of worthlessness.

I've blogged before on worth and where we get it. Everything from how big our house is to how big of a burger we can eat can be the standard we use to measure our value.

Job, position, wealth, the kind of car we drive, abilities, accolades, how clean our house is, education, letters behind our name... the list goes on, doesn't it?

Now, because I can't load the dishwasher without hurting myself I find I'm feeling invalid. We'll be moving in a couple of months and I can do nothing to help. It's frustrating and I feel the guilt and shame piling up.

It's all lies from the devil of course. God doesn't measure my value by any of these things. And even though I feel guilty because my family is having to take up the slack, I know they don't measure my value by these things either.

Lessons I am learning now can be remembered when I encounter others in a similar situation. Feeling like a contributor is important, but even more important is coming to understand the real source of our value. I'm working on that.

What about you? Have you experienced a time when you felt worthless? Want to share your story?

i'm not okay, you're not okay

In November the ligaments in my pelvic bones stopped doing their job. I was in severe pain and incapacitated for weeks. But I went to the doctor and am on my way to healing. Part of the healing process is doing physical therapy.

There are usually several people in the room doing therapy at the same time. I sit on a ball and take turns lifting each foot an inch off the floor. It looks easy but is not.

A guy sits in a chair and raises his arm just barely over his head. That's easy. I could do that.

A girl gets on the leg press and breezes through a set. Wow. I used to be able to do that without a second thought. It would be excruciating if I tried it now.

Obviously everyone has problems in different areas. Still, it's easy to measure myself based on what others are doing.

You've probably recognized the spiritual application. We tend to look at other Christians and think, why would she make a big deal out of the language in that movie? It didn't affect me at all. She really should be more mature than that.

Or, man, that sexy book really disturbed my spirit and caused a lot of bad thoughts. My friends read it and weren't bothered at all. Maybe I'm not as strong as they are...

We are each weak. We are each strong. We are each crippled in different areas. And sometimes, I think, we can become weak in an area that used to be our strength. And we certainly can become strong in a weak area. But how I want to stop measuring myself based on what others are doing.