why do i care?

When I was a kid/teen, I didn't go along with the crowd very much. In fact I usually went against prevailing opinions. The Broncos are the team of choice around here, and when I was in Jr High they played the Super Bowl against the Cowboys. Well, I chose to cheer for the Cowboys. Just to be different.

I still tend to avoid trends and bandwagons. I shudder at over-used sayings.

The weird thing is that I have always been such a people-pleaser. Doesn't make sense. I want them to like me. Care way too much about what people think, but deliberately go against the grain.

Lately, I have been more tempted to go along with the crowd that I used to be. I'm referring to the post on speeding. When faced with that same stretch of road again, I decided to just go with the flow of traffic, rather than worry about what the speed limit is. But immediately I felt convicted about that. To decide to do the wrong thing just because everyone else is doing it? Isn't that exactly what we are trying to teach our kids Not To Do? What is wrong with me?

Well, what's wrong is: I care way too much about what people think of me. Absolute, total strangers. It upsets me no end to know that people are judging me, disliking me, because I am slowing down traffic.

Why do I care what strangers think of me?

It's not just strangers, of course. I care what you think, too. I'm a doggone puppy. " Love me love me love me. Tell me I did good. Tell me tell me tell me. Approve approve approve!"

blech.

God has been really working on me about this. But it isn't easy, for sure.

I know that I need to treat people with compassion and kindness. But the motive should not be to earn their approval!

I'm trying to learn to not care what people think. I would love to loose all those inhibitions. I believe I would still be kind and everything, but the motive would be right and I wouldn't have all the anxiety about whether or not I am acceptable.

Ok, so this is way personal, and I've thrown it right out there all over my blog. But I know that I am not the only person who deals with this. I believe it is one of the devil's favorite tactics to keep us locked up.

Because the question is-- Where do I get my worth? If everyone in the world despised me, would that mean I had no value?

Another question is -- If I care more about what people think than what God thinks, who am I serving?

So, I don't care whether you like me or not. Whether or not you approve of me.

Ok, well, actually, I do care. But I'm trying to learn to not care more than I should.