Saturday, January 19, 2008

my writing

This isn't really a part of my book. It might be, though. One day I was stuck so I opened a new page and did that exercise where you just write without thinking. What's that called? Anyway, this is what I got. It's not been edited or anything. These are the characters from my book, but it seems less scary to share an "exercise" than part of my actual story! LOL

Yes, I know it is all tell and no show. But that seems to be how I write.


Rachel walked through the fields on the edge of town. The wind lifted soft pieces of her hair into her face, tickling her eyebrows. She absently brushed the silvery strands away. She was concentrating on the sound of a bird in the grass. It sang a song she had never heard before. As she tried to determine its location she closed her eyes. Something rustled by her feet and she looked down to see a serpent slithering away. She gasped then looked again into the field. The birdsong has quieted.

She stood very still, willing it to begin again. She couldn't explain why it captivated her; she only knew that she wanted to see whatever bird would make such a lovely sound.

The sharp smell of the dried grass warmed by the sun tickled her nose and she sneezed. A bird took flight a few feet away. Just a drab brown bird. That couldn't be the singer, could it? It was so plain. She stood quietly for a few minutes more before finally continuing on her stroll.

She had no destination. She wasn't walking toward anything. She was walking away. Away from her home, her family, her pain. She had been making bread when she stood up, wiped her hands, and strode out the door, walked through town and then continued going. She had not said anything to anyone. She had not sent any messages. She knew Eleazar would be worried. She didn't care. She was free. She had left it all behind.

She continued walking, and sneezing and brushing hair out of her face until the field came to a gradual end. Now she stood before a dusty wilderness. She looked to the left and to the right and saw a Wadi. She knew it would be cooler there, so she found a way down and continued to walk along in the sheltered ravine. As long as it didn't rain she would be better off down here. She didn't allow herself to think of robbers. She had nothing for them to steal anyway. Forgetting that some men wanted things other than money.

She stopped to clear the pebbles out of her sandal and leaned against the rock wall to catch her breath. She couldn't see the sun from where she was, but the shadows were deep. She thought it had been several hours since she had left.

With the exhilaration wearing off, she began to think about her plans. Where could she go? She knew no-one. She had no money. No food. No way to earn money. No decent way to make money, that is. Eleazar's face came into her mind. He was worried. She knew. She had always been waiting for him when he came in from the shop.

He didn't deserve to worry. He didn't understand her, but he loved her. She knew that. She knew that he was very patient with her. She also understood that she was vastly different from the young girl he had married. Of course he was different than he had been, too. But his difference was actually improvement. He had deepened. His gentleness had become more focused and he was wiser.

She sighed and turned around.


  1. Kay, how interesting! I loved it. I want to know why Rachel has reached this crossroads. What has happened that makes her want to just walk away from her life. At first I thought the problem was Eleazar, but then you inferred that it really wasn't him. Great exercise by the way, and totally kept my interest! I want to read more! I love that Rachel is older. In this situation, she seems much more interesting cause she is older. Maybe that's because I am older and I like to think I am so much more interesting with age. :0)

  2. Interesting! I wrote a story last night and posted it and then took it down cause I felt silly. I really enjoyed may have to keep it going!

  3. That is really very good. I could never write like that.

  4. Good job, Kay. Internal dialogue displays the conflict without revealing it. Personally, I don't mind the telling in certain situations, and this is one. But don't go by me--I break most all the rules.

  5. “Stream of consciousness” writing.

  6. I love it Kay! Can't wait to read your book! Your writing style is one that keeps the reader interested and wanting to know more therefore we will keep reading and waiting for more...


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  8. I noticed your mood thingy...Hope you are feeling better!!

  9. Nice job Kay! I like your voice here.

  10. You write so descriptively, yet you don't drag it out, does that make sense? I can see everything clearly in my mind. I'd love to find out more about why she left, etc...

  11. You write so descriptively, yet you don't drag it out, does that make sense? I can see everything clearly in my mind. I'd love to find out more about why she left, etc...


I love to hear your thoughts!