But, all along I have been thinking that I am alright. Not that I was only pretending to be, but that I truly was ok. But it has come to my attention that I'm not really. Why is that so hard, even at this moment, to admit?
Someone told me once that I am a strong woman. That is a compliment that I cherish. I loved hearing that. But here's the thing - what is made perfect in my strength? Anything?
What is made perfect in my weakness? God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. It is complete and perfect to cover all of the gaps and holes of my weakness.
But do I want to hear someone say, "I can see that you are weak, but in that weakness, I see God's strength in a way I never have."? Can I be that humble???
I think I have thought I was ok, because being ok shows God's grace and how He has carried me and made everything ok. Sheila Walsh once fell apart on live TV when she coanchored the 700 club. She was deeply depressed and had been ''being alright" because it was the way a Christian should be. But she said later, "God does not need a PR rep." It's not up to me to be sure that God looks good all the time. Did He say anything about how our being ok brings Him glory?
He did say that He is strong in our weakness. He is our defender, shield, protector, deliverer, He tucks us under His wing. None of that sounds like something a person who has it all together would need.
I don't think I need to tell the world all of my problems and weep and wail to anyone I can get to listen. But with the select few friends I have that I have an open and trusting relationship with, I need to be able to talk about the times I'm not ok. Just say so. And maybe even tell them why.
I don't have to be OK all the time. Neither do you.