Friday, May 9, 2008

i'm ok, you're ok -- or not

I think it is important for me to know why I always have to be ok.  Why I feel like I have to be strong.  Part of it is cultural, I suppose.  And I certainly don't want to be that person who falls apart at every little bump in the road.  You know the one who always has a tragedy going on.  That person who is Never Alright.

But, all along I have been thinking that I am alright.  Not that I was only pretending to be, but that I truly was ok.  But it has come to my attention that I'm not really.  Why is that so hard, even at this moment, to admit?

Someone told me once that I am a strong woman.  That is a compliment that I cherish.  I loved hearing that.  But here's the thing - what is made perfect in my strength?  Anything?

What is made perfect in my weakness?  God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.  It is complete and perfect to cover all of the gaps and holes of my weakness.

But do I want to hear someone say, "I can see that you are weak, but in that weakness, I see God's strength in a way I never have."?  Can I be that humble???

I think I have thought I was ok, because being ok shows God's grace and how He has carried me and made everything ok.  Sheila Walsh once fell apart on live TV when she coanchored the 700 club.  She was deeply depressed and had been ''being alright" because it was the way a Christian should be.  But she said later, "God does not need  a PR rep."  It's not up to me to be sure that God looks good all the time.  Did He say anything about how our being ok brings Him glory?

He did say that He is strong in our weakness.  He is our defender, shield, protector, deliverer, He tucks us under His wing.  None of that sounds like something a person who has it all together would need.

I don't think I need to tell the world all of my problems and weep and wail to anyone I can get to listen.  But with the select few friends I have that I have an open and trusting relationship with, I need to be able to talk about the times I'm not ok.  Just say so.  And maybe even tell them why.

I don't have to be OK all the time.  Neither do you.

7 comments:

  1. I think pride has a lot to do with it also. We don't want to be seen as needy and weak, and that is just what we really are. I think it's a lie that satan tells women especially, that we are strong and able to do anything we want to do, or anything a man can do. I find my greatest peace is when I have broken down and crawled back to God, and let Him take care of me. After all, that is what He wants to do.

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  2. Great post Kay! You could be talking about me or any number of women who pride themselves in being strong, but you are right it's our weakness that Christ works through that matters. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Being strong to get through a hard time is usually good, however, sometimes it has consequences that pop up later. Sometimes we don't take (or have) time to grieve or deal with things at the time it's all happening, especially if things happen one on top of the other, and then we have to deal with it later. Sometimes years later.

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  4. Uh, OK.

    A prisoner of hope,
    Megan

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  5. Kay, needing to be the strong one may also be a first child thing. I have a tendency to try to do what people expect of me. If they think I can handle something, accomplish something, know something, then I try to handle, accomplish or know those things. Now that you say what you did, I suppose God doesn't really expect those things from us unless He gives them to us or makes us able.

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  6. I think the only reason I have ever been strong in situations is because I totally put all my faith and trust in God and His Word. There are times I feel helpless but in those times the only way to stay together is to go to my room, shut the door, and fall on my knees and talk to the Lord or take my Bible..and speak the verses out loud so my mind can hear them and let them soak into me.

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