giving up the fight

If you've been reading my blog long, or if you know me in person, you know that I have not particularly wanted to be a writer.

I have always loved reading and have always had story ideas in my head, but have never really liked putting the pen to paper.  I don't keep a journal regularly or write letters.  I got bad grades on all of my compositions and essays and such in school.

But...God has called/directed/guided me to write this story.  I have always said that I am willing to do whatever He wants me to.  But being willing and doing something willingly are apparently two different things.  I can do it and still fuss and whine.  I guess that's not really the right way.

I have always asked Him to use me to do things that are bigger than myself.  To do things through me that go beyond my own capabilities.  I would say this is one of those things.  This is an answer to prayer.  Because when this book gets finished, it will be a miracle!

So, I am giving up the fussing and whining.  I am going to write a novel.  Probably another one after that.  And a next one, too, if that's the way it goes.  And I am going to do it with an eager and joyful spirit.  I am declaring this for all of the world to read.  So if you catch me whining. If you hear me say, "I never even wanted to write a book."  Then remind me that I am no longer fighting it.  Remind me that I have decided to embrace this new part of my life with gladness.

It is hard work.  I have been shocked at how difficult it is.  And it is frightening because to really write, I have to put myself into it and be vulnerable in new ways.  And to learn to separate myself from my work when it comes to rejections, etc, will be a difficult thing to do.  Is it even possible?

Anyway.  I am a writer.  I am writing a novel and I am going to have  blast doing it!  

There, how's that?