A friend of mine was putting on makeup for a special occasion.
"I'm so bad at this. I really don't know what I'm doing when it comes to makeup."
She made comments of this type a couple of times, so...
I believed her.
When I saw her with weird smudges of gloppy eyeshadow, I thought I should help her.
I offered. She backed away, "No, wait, it has to dry and then I blend it."
Truth is, she is perfectly capable of applying makeup. She is as competent as anyone with the blush and the eyeshadow--with the whole works.
But she believed she wasn't. She broadcast that belief, and since I didn't know any better, I believed her. I even acted on that belief.
When we announce things about ourselves, we'd better keep this in mind: people will believe us. We want to be sure that what we are saying is the truth. That's a hard thing to do. It's hard to discern the false beliefs we hold about ourselves.
"I'm a terrible writer."
"I can't cook."
"I'm too fat."
"Nobody likes me."
"I don't know what I'm doing."
We all do it. We all announce our insecurities at times. But perhaps we need to learn how to word them as truths?
"I don't feel confident applying makeup."
"I doubt my abilities as a writer/cook/whatever."
"I feel like I'm too fat."
I think it's bad enough that I believe some of the things I do about myself. Do I really want other people to believe them, too?
I like your suggestion about wording our insecurities as truths. I think it's okay to voice to others we trust what our insecurities are, that's part of friendship. But we can go too far and talk too much about our failings, which gives the impression that we really are those things, not that we just feel them. In truth, any insecurity can be overcome. It's our own self-labeling that gets in our way. Good post, Kayster.
ReplyDeleteKay, I grew up making those kinds of comments about myself and --surprise --people believed me. Now, when somebody compliments me, I just say, "Thank you." I think it's true that what you say about yourself, if you say it often enough, you begin to believe.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff, Kay. Most people don't notice our failings until we point them out. We need to turn off that negative voice inside out heads.
ReplyDeleteDon't you think this is the cause of so much of the anxiety women deal with? Taking insecure thoughts and turning them into full blown truths! I appreciate your suggestions.
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