I'm very good at picking on myself. I spend a lot of time digging around and poking at my own insecurities. My insufficiencies and inadequacies are constantly circling through my head.
I say this to make it clear that I'm not the kind of person who dwells on how wonderful I am. I'm too busy beating myself up for not being perfect.
So I found it strange last night, as I lay on the verge of sleep, when prayers of thanksgiving started going through my mind. "Thank you that you made me to be such a lover of God. Thank you that you put in me a desire for you that I can't remember ever being without. Thank you for giving me a sense of humor. Thank you for making me empathetic. Thank you for giving me a unique way of seeing things..." I didn't even feel like the thoughts were coming from me.
But this morning as I was thinking it over, I realized that we really should be thankful for who God made us to be. It's His work. Not ours. It feels like boasting or being conceited, but it's not. Not if we realize that we are what we are only because of His creative skill and His grace.
I think to focus on the negative, on the things we dislike about ourselves, does Him a disservice. Where is the glory in that? How does He receive glory from us beating ourselves up?
This is a new thought for me. I'd love to hear yours.
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ReplyDeleteA fine line exists between overly-loathing one's self and overly-loving one's self. Western culture's over-emphasis of lacking proper self-esteem and seeking how we must love ourselves genuinely is a great social malaise. The desirous nature of human self-affirmation reaches the point where we quickly loose sight of loving each other as God loves us. A balance between the extremes beckons just beyond our reach because obsessive self-indulgence prevents us from that goal.
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