Monday, February 22, 2010

getting married

I read an interesting article this morning about a man who is having to defend his decision to get married at age 22. Apparently people think that's too young.

That used to be the average age for marriages.
Back when the divorce rate was lower.

I fully intended to be married by the time I was 25. I didn't get married until I was 27, though. Obviously, one can't just jump into it if the right person hasn't come around. And getting married for the sake of getting married isn't a good idea.

But, I'm personally not real fond of this trend to put it off longer and longer by choice.

I think that waiting adds to the difficulties of adjusting to life with a spouse. You've had more time to form your own habits, opinions, and independence.

You should read the article.
And tell me how old you were when you got married. What are the pros and cons that you see in your decision? And was it your decision? If you were older, was it because you deliberately waited or because it just didn't come together before then?


  1. I got married a couple months after I turned 20. We did wait until my husband had finished college so we would have some measure of financial stability. I do sometimes wish I'd had some time to be on my own. I have an obsessive need for solitude and I wonder if that's because I never have been alone.
    Still I think we made the right decision and eleven years later, we're still going strong.

  2. I read an article about putting of marriage somewhere and it was in favor of getting married early. I forget why.

    I got married when I was almost 24. If I'd had my way, I'd have been married and having kids sooner. Of course, I wouldn't have married my hubby if I'd gotten married younger, so I guess that's a good thing. :)

  3. My husband and I were 21 and 23 when we married, 31 years ago!

    I've loved the adventure of growing into adulthood with him and have never regretted marrying young.

    The impetus to setting a date and getting married was the choice to become Christ followers. We had previously lived together for about six months. From the day we chose Jesus until our wedding day, was about three weeks.

    It's been a wonderful life together.

  4. I love hearing your stories.
    Danica, this article is also advocating marrying at a young age. Between 20-24. It gives several good reasons.
    Seems your stories back this up.

  5. I love this quote from the article, "We may be startled to find that the greatest adventure lies not in knowing oneself as much as in knowing and committing to another person."
    I think that says it all.

    Mark and I got married when we were 21. We're happy.

  6. Married at 23, divorced at 28. Hoping to get married again, but I'm an old man now at 38. She was 17, but I don't think age had anything to do with it.

    Personalities are so varied that I don't believe any blanket policy applies.

  7. I'm sorry you had to go through that, Dayle.
    You are right, it may have had nothing to do with age. Sometimes it just doesn't work, no matter when you married.

    I certainly don't believe in any kind of formula for these things.

    The article stated that people who married before 20 and those who married after 24 had the highest divorce rate. But that's just statistics.

    I'm in the latter group, and I'm certainly not going to believe my marriage is doomed because I was "old" when I married.

  8. Thanks, Kay.

    Divorce is a terrible thing. (though sometimes necessary in abusive situations)

    I'm sure immaturity can play a part in the age thing. When you're young, you think the ideal is easy and normative and just a breakup away. The older we get, the more we understand this is not the case.

  9. Just to clarify, I wasn't in an abusive situation. I just didn't want to make a blanket statement that all divorce is bad.

    If you're spouse is abusive then divorce is better than the alternative.

  10. Wow, my husband and I didn't know this when we married.
    "...couples who marry between the ages of 22 and 25 "went on to experience the happiest marriages." I was 22 and he was 25. Maybe that is why we celebrated our 41st anniversary last October.

  11. My husband and I were both 19 when we married. That will be 20 years ago in April. We've been able to "grow up" through all the stages of life thus far.
    Last summer, my 18-year-old daughter married her 18-year-old boyfriend. We got more flak about it than they did.
    If you know, you know. The age doesn't really matter. I think the problem is people don't know how to hear from God, so they don't trust His leading, or their own hearts.

  12. I turned 25 two weeks after your Dad and I got married. That's why my daughters get my birthday and our anniversary mixed up. We got married on our payday so we would have some money!

  13. I completely agree with you. Greg was 22 when we were married 27 years ago and it worked well for us. I was 18. But, we grew up together. Then we moved to Virginia and many of the Navy wives were even younger. :)

  14. My husband and I were almost 23, and I thought I was close to being an 'old maid' back then (27 years ago!), because a lot of my friends married at 20 or 21. The only thing I think I would change if I could go back would be to wait a little longer before having kids, so that we could a) save $ and b)do some traveling together. Having said that, I always wanted kids, so really, it worked out just perfectly!

    I think young love is a beautiful thing, and quite a few of my friends' children have married at age 18-21, but I'd say most of them are quite mature for their age. I, however, have a 26, 24, 22, and 19 yo and my 24 yo is the only one in a relationship. I do hope they all find true love and get married, but these days, it's not a given.

  15. I was 19 and my husband was 23 when we got married. Although I did love my husband back then, I got married because I wanted stability and wanted to get out of my parent's home.
    I'm grateful to have grown up together with my
    husband; we'll be married 30 whole years next month and we still love one another very much. Yet I feel that in some ways we are a bit too enmeshed. Neither of us encourage independent growth.
    I sometimes wonder if I would have been a different person, had I not gotten married so young. I had no time to figure out who I was as a
    single entity.


I love to hear your thoughts!