why do I do that?

I posted a while back on saying no and this post is similar, I guess.

Since being diagnosed with Chronic Epstein Barr, I've been very attuned to my energy expenditure and stress levels. If I can keep these things under control, I lesson my chances of triggering a flair-up.

So, I'm looking at things that I do, or don't do, and thinking about:
does this take energy?
does this give energy?
why do I do it?
is this necessary?
do I enjoy it?

I've discovered that even though cleaning house takes a lot of energy, I think that having a dirty house takes even more. So it's a good trade off. Extend some energy to clean, but gain energy and decrease stress by having a clean environment. That's my theory anyway. I'm still working on putting it into action. It's still hard to dredge up that initial motivation to do the thing.

Blogging takes a bit of energy. I do it because I enjoy it.

Homeschooling takes a lot of energy. I do it because it is necessary.

Writing uses up a lot of energy, but I do it because God wants me to. Also, I think that worrying about how I should be writing and feeling guilty for not writing zaps more energy than doing the work.

I think that's true for most of these situations. Guilt and self-flagellation are very energy intensive.

So, I quit Twitter. A lot of people love it. I didn't. And so, why do it? I did it because it is the thing that you are supposed to do if you are a writer. That's not a good enough reason for me.

I am going to quit writing my Examiner articles. I have been doing it because it is a good opportunity for a writer to get her name out there. I don't enjoy it, though. I don't get any money. I don't get enough pay-off to be worth the energy it requires.

What gives me energy?
Spending fun, non-whining time with my family.
Having lunch with a friend.
Laughing.
Spending time with God.
Being alone.
Good church.
Praise and worship.
Reading a good book.
Hanging out with my writing buddies.
Socializing on Facebook.
Talking to a friend on the phone.
Being in the mountains.
Cool weather.
A haircut.
A day at the spa.
A maid.
A night alone at a hotel.
A trip to England...

I'm working on it

I have a new beginnings kind of feeling. Not sure why. I've been evaluating and reevaluating. Planning and prioritizing.

Here are a few things I want to work on.

I want to be present. I observed this in Nancy Rue at Glen Eyrie. When she is talking to someone, she is with them. She is completely engaged with that person. When it was me, I knew I had all of her attention and that she really heard me.
I'm pretty sure that people don't feel that way when they talk to me. I know that my eyes wander and often my thoughts do too. I tend to think about what wisdom I can share, what I will contribute to the conversation, rather than listening.

I want to have a more teachable spirit. I love to learn, but I hate to be wrong. These two often collide. I've been working on this one for a while. Again, I need to listen. I need to stop thinking about "when can I tell you what I know, because I know ever so much, and you will be so glad to hear what I know and be changed forever." Ugh.

I want to simplify. In lots of areas and lots of ways. Prioritize better. Learn how to manage my energy.

I'm still working on lots of old stuff, too. Like, wondering why I have to always be working on stuff. Does everyone else try this hard? Or is it perfectionism driving me?
See, I need to work on over-thinking, too.

people

This is a repost from a couple of years ago. It's been on my mind lately. I'm wondering how my heart has changed since then. I think it has. Not by might, that's for sure. But by the grace of God at work in me.

People have a tendency to get under my skin.

I often avoid people.

I'm talking big crowds and the like.

People are rude and pushy and selfish and they get under my skin.

Today we went to the Aquarium and it was fairly crowded. I did pretty well, though.

Except for the part where we were in the restaurant.

And some man spit.

On the floor.

In the restaurant.

Right next to our table.

People bug me.

Tonight our deer friend is lying in our backyard chewing bubble gum or something.

I was admiring him.

Shining a flashlight out there so I can see him.

I love admiring the deer and rabbits and sky and sunsets and stars and foliage, etc.

It's dark though.

So without my flashlight all I can see is the lights of the city in the distance.

As I was looking at them and thinking about how I'd much rather be looking at the creation, it occurred to me -- That Is The Creation.

Not the lights.

The people represented by the lights.

Not only that. They are the pinnacle of creation.

God's most favorite part.

The part God loves so much He sent His only son to die for it.

Those people.

God's magnificent creation.

My heart needs some help.

good news

I have the BBC set up as my home page. And I tell ya, some days it's almost more than I can take. This world is a mess.
Today's news: a fifteen year old boy brutally beat to death a two year old girl who was in his care for 90 minutes.
Women are burned alive in Kenya, accused of witchcraft.
Always there are headlines about the struggles in Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, North Korea, various African nations. It can be overwhelming.

So, today I found this news site. It's all good news stories. A homeless girl got into Harvard. A Colorado family found a millionaire's wallet and returned it. This site isn't free. I think it's $2 per month.

This one is free. A nine year old Utah boy got lost in the wilderness. He used knowledge gained from the TV show Man vs. Wild to survive the nineteen hours and to help searchers find him.

A couple more good news sites here and here.

You know they say that it takes ten positive comments to balance a criticism. I think the same is true for this stuff. The good news isn't as good as the bad news is bad. But if we read several of these stories, or at least the headlines, maybe it will help us keep some perspective.

And the best news of all. God is on the throne. He is good and loving and He is in control. He has a plan and it's a good one.

monday movie meme

I found this over at The Bumbles Blog and thought it would be fun to talk about.

This weeks theme is "Movies you'd most like to hang out in."

Movie worlds draw us in and sometimes it's sad to leave. So my picks:

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, because who wouldn't want to hang out in Narnia?

Toy Story, as long as I can be a toy.

Monsters Inc because I like scaring people.

Big Fish because it's whimsical and beautiful.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because CHOCOLATE river! Duh!

Camelot because it would be so cool to see Camelot and meet Arthur and it is so heartbreaking, devastating, and sad.


What about you? Which movies would you like to spend some time in?

daddy memories

Dad teaching me how to cast a fishing line in the front yard.
Dad buying me pipe cleaners to play with when I was sick.
Dad driving us over treacherous mountain roads.
Dad singing "My Boyfriends Back" as he scrambled eggs.
Dad laughing.
Dad taking me with him on his trips to the dump.
Dad buying us ice cream cones.
Dad teaching me to shoot, letting me shoot his Magnum which was quite a kick.
Dad coming home in the mornings, tired from a long night at work.
Dad taking me for a ride on the back of his motorcycle.
Dad rescuing me from many a high place that I couldn't get down from.
Dad taking me fishing, teaching me to skip stones, (I never got it) and teaching me to walk loudly to scare away snakes.
Dad giving me fatherly advice.
Dad teasing.
Dad telling me that boys could not be trusted.
Dad teaching me to drive in a stick shift.
Dad rocking me when I was little.
Dad kicking the smoking habit.

Thank you dad, for all you've taught me, all you've given me.
I love you.

photos from the Glen

Nancy Rue
Becky and Al Gansky
Angie Hunt
Kathy Mackel