i'm not even a writer

I don't like writing. I never have. I have writer friends who keep journals, just so they can write. I don't. I don't like to write.


The problem is -- there's this story in my head that won't leave me alone. Can't I just tell someone about it and let them write it?


And it isn't lonely. There are other stories in there. So when I get this story written, those others are going to want to come out, too.



At least I'm saying "When" now instead of "if". That's some progress anyway.

Sigh.

patience patience

Yesterday I picked up a copy of Angela Hunt's latest, Doesn't She Look Natural. Apparently it's hot off the presses!

I'm at chapter fourteen and it's a great book.

But here's what I want to share:

I've already learned something. "Practice Patience".

People always say, "Don't pray for patience!" Like that's just asking God to torture you. I've always thought that a bit of a goofy statement.

First of all, God always does what's best. If I really need patience, I should ask and trust Him to teach it to me the only way I'll learn it.

Secondly, if I really need patience, chances are, God's going to teach it to me whether I ask Him to or not.

But here's the thing I always thought about. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. It is supposed to be in our lives already if we are filled with the Spirit. So why would we even need to ask for it?

As a character in the book says, we just have to practice it!

So, God may allow us to be in situations where we can practice our patience. We may need a lot of practice!

This also made me think about the other fruit of the Spirit. Particularly love as that is something God is talking to me about a lot lately. I have been praying for God's love in my life. Waiting for a big effervescent feeling to take over. But truth is, love is action not bubbly goo. So, I simply need to practice it.

This is very eye opening! It's sorta just in passing in the book, but thanks, Angie for including it!

doing my duty

I'm reading a book set in the Middle Ages in England. The monks at the Priory have become rather hedonistic. A minor miracle has occurred and now the courtyard is thronged with the crippled and infirm.
One of the monks says, ""We never had to bother with pilgrims and penitents before,' he lamented. 'Hexham's long been off the pilgrim trail, you know. And no one ever wanted Mass said, save on Sunday. We canons had the peace and solitude to dispatch our duties.'"

Made me think-- when I am trying to serve, when I am caring for my family, how many times am I frustrated at the intrusion of the actual PEOPLE I'm supposed to be serving? It can so easily become about what we are doing rather than for whom we are doing it.

I think I especially fall into this in my role as mother. Fixing dinner, washing clothes, don't bother me now.

The quote is from Murder on Good Friday by Sara Conway

someday i'll teach them the words

"From scarlet to powdered gold,

to blazing yellow,

to the rare ashen emerald,

to the orange and black velvet of your shimmering corselet,

out to the tip that like an amber thorn begins you,

small, superlative being,

you are a miracle,and you blaze"
From "Ode to the Hummingbird"
Pablo Neruda

Just about constantly, no matter where I am,

as long as there is a window, I can hear the hummers humming.

speaking of worth

Two posts ago, I was speaking of worth.

Well, speaking of it... Where DO you get yours?

We went to a diner style burger place yesterday and they have a deal where if you eat a One Pound Burger, you get your photo taken and put up on a board. How cool is that?

Apparently, real cool, to some people. There is one guy who has eaten that thing fourteen times. Another who aims to do it twenty times. Wow. Those guys have value now.

I guess the same is true for people wanting to break world records. Not that there's anything wrong with these things, but why do they do it?

Why do we write books, sing solos, teach a Bible Study, lead a ministry?

Why do people live in houses fifteen times bigger than what they need? When they're never even home?

What makes me valuable? How do I know I am worth something? Why do I have a right to take up space and breath air?

Our worth, of course, should be found in Christ. We are worthy because He makes us so.

When you have the time, go to this site and listen to the sermon for April 29th. It is excellent.

cool thing

Click on my Shelfari button to the left there. Then, please, be my friend.
Make your own shelf, too. It's free and it's fun.
Thanks to Angie Hunt for this!

why do i care?

When I was a kid/teen, I didn't go along with the crowd very much. In fact I usually went against prevailing opinions. The Broncos are the team of choice around here, and when I was in Jr High they played the Super Bowl against the Cowboys. Well, I chose to cheer for the Cowboys. Just to be different.

I still tend to avoid trends and bandwagons. I shudder at over-used sayings.

The weird thing is that I have always been such a people-pleaser. Doesn't make sense. I want them to like me. Care way too much about what people think, but deliberately go against the grain.

Lately, I have been more tempted to go along with the crowd that I used to be. I'm referring to the post on speeding. When faced with that same stretch of road again, I decided to just go with the flow of traffic, rather than worry about what the speed limit is. But immediately I felt convicted about that. To decide to do the wrong thing just because everyone else is doing it? Isn't that exactly what we are trying to teach our kids Not To Do? What is wrong with me?

Well, what's wrong is: I care way too much about what people think of me. Absolute, total strangers. It upsets me no end to know that people are judging me, disliking me, because I am slowing down traffic.

Why do I care what strangers think of me?

It's not just strangers, of course. I care what you think, too. I'm a doggone puppy. " Love me love me love me. Tell me I did good. Tell me tell me tell me. Approve approve approve!"

blech.

God has been really working on me about this. But it isn't easy, for sure.

I know that I need to treat people with compassion and kindness. But the motive should not be to earn their approval!

I'm trying to learn to not care what people think. I would love to loose all those inhibitions. I believe I would still be kind and everything, but the motive would be right and I wouldn't have all the anxiety about whether or not I am acceptable.

Ok, so this is way personal, and I've thrown it right out there all over my blog. But I know that I am not the only person who deals with this. I believe it is one of the devil's favorite tactics to keep us locked up.

Because the question is-- Where do I get my worth? If everyone in the world despised me, would that mean I had no value?

Another question is -- If I care more about what people think than what God thinks, who am I serving?

So, I don't care whether you like me or not. Whether or not you approve of me.

Ok, well, actually, I do care. But I'm trying to learn to not care more than I should.